Melanie
It's the day after Thanksgiving. My wife and I had planned on going to check out a Santa Suit at Amelias, but when I called them, I was told that they were all out to the dry cleaners. This was something that we were planning on taking care of before going over to pick up Melanie and take her shopping for some clothes for the funeral on Saturday. Anyway, today was an interesting day.
My day started at 5:30. Our son wanted to go to Circuit City because they had a PS2 game on sale that he has been trying to get used. It was less new than any of the used ones that he had seen, and since we had a lot to do today, I told him I would get up at 5:30 so we could be there by 6:00. The store opened at 5:00 for the Black Friday rush, and I really didn't want to be mixed up in that. Fat chance on that.
We arrived at 6:00 as I had promised my son, and found that we still had to stand in line. The store was too crowded. They kept on calling out for 2 or 5 or when things went well 15. We finally got in the store and went back to see if they had the PS2 game. It was a Star Wars game called Battlefront. We found it, and one other game (for the gameboy advance) and got in another line to get through the registers. We finally got out of the store at 7:00 AM. Since we were up and around we went into Target. The line in there to the registers was horrendous. I went back and found an SD card (the last one they had) for $10 (it was 2 gig). I also grabbed some DVDs for the computer. They were pretty inexpensive. We got in a shorter line that was going to the electronics when a man came and told his wife there was an express line. We hurried to that and got out of there in really good time (I had already wasted too much time in the store for what I was getting).
My son put the video game into his PS2 and soon came out to me disappointed. It didn't work properly. It took too long to load in between everything. I told him we wouldn't be able to take it back at this time, but maybe, later tonight we could take it back.
Of course, now, I called Amelias and then we let Melanie know that our plans had changed and we would be to her place around 11:00.
After my wife got ready we headed out. We dropped our kids off at my in-laws and then went to pick up Melanie at Ben's apartment. His apartment was what we had expected for Ben as a bachelor. Melanie was ready and told us that Ben hadn't come home last night.
We went to the Fashion Place mall in Murray. It was a place that had both a Dillards and a Lane Bryant store which was what we needed because of the plus size of Melanie. She was at a size 24 (3x) and that is the biggest size the stores have. We walked into Dillards and went to the plus size area. We looked around at some clothes and there really wasn't all that much that looked good and fit Melanie. We did finally find one outfit that was a pant suit (quite frilly) and decided that it would be OK, particularly if we found a skirt to go with it. As it was, we never did find a skirt to go with the outfit. We did tell the associates there that we were dealing with a widow who had just lost her husband and that she is bipolar. It was a good thing we had done this because it was a little bit embarrassing with some of the stuff that happened.
While Melanie was trying on the outfit, she came out of the dressing room showing everybody that happened to be there that the pants didn't fit. Way too much skin was showing and we were trying to get her to go back into the dressing room. She didn't readily go in there. My wife went to see if she could find another pair of slacks that would go with the outfit and asked me to see what I could do to get her back in. She finally went back in and changed her clothes. In the meantime we had found some slacks that may go with the outfit and had an elastic around the waist. That seemed to fit her.
When Melanie was changing out of the pants she asked if I could get a bag so she could put some mens boxers into that she was wearing. I asked them about this and they told me they could do that for us, but the bag could not go into the dressing room area. Melanie came out, boxers in hand and loudly proclaims that her are the boxers that I need to put in that bag. I have too many layers on now and am sweating because of my period. This was a bit embarassing to me because it is said loud enough for almost everybody within a 50 foot radius to hear, and it is black Friday (a day of shopping). We get the bag and I leave my wife there to make sure they hold this stuff in case we need it and I head out with Melanie to go to Lane Bryant.
We were told that Lane Bryant was by Nordstroms but I had looked on a map and seen that it was by Sears. Since Melanie has a hard time walking, I run down to Sears to make sure where it is rather than having to walk too much. It was there, so I came back to get Melanie and my wife. It was a useless walk as Lane Bryant didn't have anything at all. I really thought they would have a good selection. They told us that at Christmas time they don't really deal in dresses and skirts. We are a bit upset, but tell Melanie we need to go back to Dillards to make sure that the pants we were getting separate would really go with her whole outfit.
On the way back, Melanie tells us that she is sweating so bad that she doesn't want to try on any clothes while she is this stinky and that she needs to find a bathroom so she can wash up a bit. Then she sees a Bath and Body Works and tells us that she can go in there to clean up. We didn't even know they had a sink. They do. It is a place where they have some of their samples that you can wash with and put on some nice smelling lotions. Melanie uses this and washes up as much as she can (including reaching into her blouse). She takes quite a while there, and then we finally leave. One of the sales associates there gives a glare as we leave.
At Dillards again, we find out that everything fits her just fine. We purchase all of it (thank goodness the outfit was 75% off because the regular price is $120) and spend around $70 for the whole thing. Now all we have to do is find some shoes.
We had talked to Margaret (my wifes mother) and are told to go to a place called Sas Shoes that isn't too far from where we are. We go in there and tell the lady what we need to do. She picks up some shoes to our specifications (Melanie needed arch support as she is flat footed) and as she is trying them on Melanie turns and tells us that all of these shoes are over $100. That had us concerned so we called Margaret to make sure it is OK. She tells us that Melanie needs good shoes. We go ahead with the transaction. The shoes that Melanie picks out are $114. We gave the rest of the cash we had and had to write out a check for the rest.
We are hungry so we decide that we might as well go back to our place where we can rest up a bit and eat. This is a much needed thing for us to do, as we are all dropping.
Of course on all the driving trips we communicate with Melanie. She is quite intelligent and wants all kinds of details. While she is intelligent, she is not socially adept. As far as she is concerned there are really no rules. We talk to her about our children, and her children. We talk about her cocaine addicted husband who has just passed away. We talk about her children being taken away from her. All of this goes pretty well.
At one point I make the comment to Melanie that she is a great lady. She asks me if I really mean it. I tell her that I do. Then she asks, "Why?" This is something that I had forgotten about her. You never can get away with small talk. She will get to the bottom of it. It's a bit concerning to me, but I go ahead. I basically tell her that I don't know anybody who has had a Sids child pass away and they get up and move to then have to deal with a cocaine addicted husband, and still she continues on, and then to have the rest of your children taken from you, and to get up and move again while dealing with mental illness. I tell her that she is simply a survivor. Yes, Melanie is indeed a great woman. She just keeps on going, and is still in love with her husband and her children despite all that has happened. She doesn't seem to hold too much against us for not ever seeing her either. I mean, it has been 10 years since my wife had even seen her sister, and we have never seen her in the 18 years of our marriage where we have been able to be around her for much more than 5 minutes before she sets off. This is really good for my wife and for Melanie to again achieve this closeness that was once there that has been lost through the years. I just hope that this is how things will continue. Hopefully, Melanie can stay on her medications and we can be with her, rather than the mentally ill Melanie.
Anyway, we head to our house and have lunch. We then sit down and chat for awhile. My wife is really sleepy, but she continues to talk anyway. Melanie asks us about home movies. We tell her that we don't have that many, and they are kind of hard to get out. She then asks for pictures. We tell her that they are all in a big box and not organized at all. She wants them. We get that box and she starts to go through it. She sees a picture of her son (as a baby) first and thinks that is great. I photo copy it. The next thing I know she is saying that she wants a bunch of these pictures to put into her photo albums. They are pictures of her grandma and grandpa (whom I never had the opportunity to meet). They are pictures of our kids growing up. There are pictures of my wife as a younger person as well as some more recent. I am in a couple of the pictures and she even wants some pictures of my mother. That's a lot of pictures. I go through most of my photo paper (I still have a couple of sheets left). But, she gets a lot of these pictures and is content. I get the feeling that she is simply trying to catch up to the relationships that she had before with her family. She also recognizes my brothers that she thought were handsome when they were growing up (they went to the same schools). I show her a more recent picture of my brother Keith who was a friend of her husband when they were growing up. He is heavy in a beard and his hair is all grown out. In the picture I show her it is all combed which isn't like him at all. He is usually a wild mountain man with no teeth. She says that we shouldn't judge him by his appearance because she is sure that he is a good man. In this, she is absolutely correct. I don't find too much about her that is incorrect.
At one point, Melanie escalates. She is talking about her daughter and she feels that people have turned her daughter against her. To a certain extent, she is correct. It really is more of a protection that Chantelle is trying to accomplish. She now has a daughter of her own (one that has never met her grandmother) that is almost one year old. Melanie knows that she has been in town and not come over. She is also upset that she wasn't allowed to show up at the wedding of her daughter. How unfair is that? My God, how much pain does one woman have to suffer. Life has been a hard thing on Melanie. She really feels that she doesn't have anywhere to turn too. We agree with her that life is hard, that it is hard to not be allowed to your daughters wedding, and that it is hard to have her not come over. Melanie calms back down.
We leave the house. We only have to pick up some stockings. My wife had given Melanie some feminine products so we didn't need to pick up that kind of stuff. I really don't think she was taking care of her feminine things with products but rather she was simply wearing layers to take care of it as best she could. I don't care if I'm right or wrong on that. I don't want to think about it.
JC Penneys is our last stop. We pick up stockings and some earrings for Melanie (my wife also). She just wants to look good at her husbands funeral. We want this for her as well. We head for my in-laws house. The day is almost done with Melanie.
Once at the in-laws, we all go inside. Melanie goes to take a relaxing shower. We show off what we had bought for Melanie and all of it meets with approval. Margaret pays us for the rest. We only stay a short time and then leave.
On reflection of the day with Melanie, I find myself realizing that this was a great day for my wife and I to have. It is a great day for Melanie as well. Yes, we had to learn to have a little bit of patience, but then again, she probably had to have patience with us as well. She is an independent person, so it cannot be easy for her to have to rely on us for transportation, nor can it be easy on her to have her mother paying for things. She doesn't ask for anything from anybody, but she is willing to accept graciously those things that people give her. It puts me to tears to think of all the trials this woman has gone through. She is strong despite it all. I don't know that she is happy though, and indeed she realizes that she has lived a sad life. She said as much. I think Melanie has resigned herself to living a sad, solitary existence, but not so much that she won't get joy wherever and whenever she can. I think she did more good for me than I did for her through talking with her. I think I will have more compassion toward all people because of the time I spent with her. This was a mission in love, from us to her, but I'm not sure that it didn't work just the opposite way. Melanie has touched my soul.
Now back to the finish of the day. As we were driving home, our son asked if he couldn't go back to Circuit City in hopes that they still had at least one copy of his game so he could exchange it. I told him it was early enough that we could do that. We took everybody home and then he and I went for the exchange. The store was still busy, but nothing like it was this morning. He found a copy of the game and we exchanged it with no problems. Thank goodness that when we got back home the new game worked like a charm.
That is the end of my day.
My day started at 5:30. Our son wanted to go to Circuit City because they had a PS2 game on sale that he has been trying to get used. It was less new than any of the used ones that he had seen, and since we had a lot to do today, I told him I would get up at 5:30 so we could be there by 6:00. The store opened at 5:00 for the Black Friday rush, and I really didn't want to be mixed up in that. Fat chance on that.
We arrived at 6:00 as I had promised my son, and found that we still had to stand in line. The store was too crowded. They kept on calling out for 2 or 5 or when things went well 15. We finally got in the store and went back to see if they had the PS2 game. It was a Star Wars game called Battlefront. We found it, and one other game (for the gameboy advance) and got in another line to get through the registers. We finally got out of the store at 7:00 AM. Since we were up and around we went into Target. The line in there to the registers was horrendous. I went back and found an SD card (the last one they had) for $10 (it was 2 gig). I also grabbed some DVDs for the computer. They were pretty inexpensive. We got in a shorter line that was going to the electronics when a man came and told his wife there was an express line. We hurried to that and got out of there in really good time (I had already wasted too much time in the store for what I was getting).
My son put the video game into his PS2 and soon came out to me disappointed. It didn't work properly. It took too long to load in between everything. I told him we wouldn't be able to take it back at this time, but maybe, later tonight we could take it back.
Of course, now, I called Amelias and then we let Melanie know that our plans had changed and we would be to her place around 11:00.
After my wife got ready we headed out. We dropped our kids off at my in-laws and then went to pick up Melanie at Ben's apartment. His apartment was what we had expected for Ben as a bachelor. Melanie was ready and told us that Ben hadn't come home last night.
We went to the Fashion Place mall in Murray. It was a place that had both a Dillards and a Lane Bryant store which was what we needed because of the plus size of Melanie. She was at a size 24 (3x) and that is the biggest size the stores have. We walked into Dillards and went to the plus size area. We looked around at some clothes and there really wasn't all that much that looked good and fit Melanie. We did finally find one outfit that was a pant suit (quite frilly) and decided that it would be OK, particularly if we found a skirt to go with it. As it was, we never did find a skirt to go with the outfit. We did tell the associates there that we were dealing with a widow who had just lost her husband and that she is bipolar. It was a good thing we had done this because it was a little bit embarrassing with some of the stuff that happened.
While Melanie was trying on the outfit, she came out of the dressing room showing everybody that happened to be there that the pants didn't fit. Way too much skin was showing and we were trying to get her to go back into the dressing room. She didn't readily go in there. My wife went to see if she could find another pair of slacks that would go with the outfit and asked me to see what I could do to get her back in. She finally went back in and changed her clothes. In the meantime we had found some slacks that may go with the outfit and had an elastic around the waist. That seemed to fit her.
When Melanie was changing out of the pants she asked if I could get a bag so she could put some mens boxers into that she was wearing. I asked them about this and they told me they could do that for us, but the bag could not go into the dressing room area. Melanie came out, boxers in hand and loudly proclaims that her are the boxers that I need to put in that bag. I have too many layers on now and am sweating because of my period. This was a bit embarassing to me because it is said loud enough for almost everybody within a 50 foot radius to hear, and it is black Friday (a day of shopping). We get the bag and I leave my wife there to make sure they hold this stuff in case we need it and I head out with Melanie to go to Lane Bryant.
We were told that Lane Bryant was by Nordstroms but I had looked on a map and seen that it was by Sears. Since Melanie has a hard time walking, I run down to Sears to make sure where it is rather than having to walk too much. It was there, so I came back to get Melanie and my wife. It was a useless walk as Lane Bryant didn't have anything at all. I really thought they would have a good selection. They told us that at Christmas time they don't really deal in dresses and skirts. We are a bit upset, but tell Melanie we need to go back to Dillards to make sure that the pants we were getting separate would really go with her whole outfit.
On the way back, Melanie tells us that she is sweating so bad that she doesn't want to try on any clothes while she is this stinky and that she needs to find a bathroom so she can wash up a bit. Then she sees a Bath and Body Works and tells us that she can go in there to clean up. We didn't even know they had a sink. They do. It is a place where they have some of their samples that you can wash with and put on some nice smelling lotions. Melanie uses this and washes up as much as she can (including reaching into her blouse). She takes quite a while there, and then we finally leave. One of the sales associates there gives a glare as we leave.
At Dillards again, we find out that everything fits her just fine. We purchase all of it (thank goodness the outfit was 75% off because the regular price is $120) and spend around $70 for the whole thing. Now all we have to do is find some shoes.
We had talked to Margaret (my wifes mother) and are told to go to a place called Sas Shoes that isn't too far from where we are. We go in there and tell the lady what we need to do. She picks up some shoes to our specifications (Melanie needed arch support as she is flat footed) and as she is trying them on Melanie turns and tells us that all of these shoes are over $100. That had us concerned so we called Margaret to make sure it is OK. She tells us that Melanie needs good shoes. We go ahead with the transaction. The shoes that Melanie picks out are $114. We gave the rest of the cash we had and had to write out a check for the rest.
We are hungry so we decide that we might as well go back to our place where we can rest up a bit and eat. This is a much needed thing for us to do, as we are all dropping.
Of course on all the driving trips we communicate with Melanie. She is quite intelligent and wants all kinds of details. While she is intelligent, she is not socially adept. As far as she is concerned there are really no rules. We talk to her about our children, and her children. We talk about her cocaine addicted husband who has just passed away. We talk about her children being taken away from her. All of this goes pretty well.
At one point I make the comment to Melanie that she is a great lady. She asks me if I really mean it. I tell her that I do. Then she asks, "Why?" This is something that I had forgotten about her. You never can get away with small talk. She will get to the bottom of it. It's a bit concerning to me, but I go ahead. I basically tell her that I don't know anybody who has had a Sids child pass away and they get up and move to then have to deal with a cocaine addicted husband, and still she continues on, and then to have the rest of your children taken from you, and to get up and move again while dealing with mental illness. I tell her that she is simply a survivor. Yes, Melanie is indeed a great woman. She just keeps on going, and is still in love with her husband and her children despite all that has happened. She doesn't seem to hold too much against us for not ever seeing her either. I mean, it has been 10 years since my wife had even seen her sister, and we have never seen her in the 18 years of our marriage where we have been able to be around her for much more than 5 minutes before she sets off. This is really good for my wife and for Melanie to again achieve this closeness that was once there that has been lost through the years. I just hope that this is how things will continue. Hopefully, Melanie can stay on her medications and we can be with her, rather than the mentally ill Melanie.
Anyway, we head to our house and have lunch. We then sit down and chat for awhile. My wife is really sleepy, but she continues to talk anyway. Melanie asks us about home movies. We tell her that we don't have that many, and they are kind of hard to get out. She then asks for pictures. We tell her that they are all in a big box and not organized at all. She wants them. We get that box and she starts to go through it. She sees a picture of her son (as a baby) first and thinks that is great. I photo copy it. The next thing I know she is saying that she wants a bunch of these pictures to put into her photo albums. They are pictures of her grandma and grandpa (whom I never had the opportunity to meet). They are pictures of our kids growing up. There are pictures of my wife as a younger person as well as some more recent. I am in a couple of the pictures and she even wants some pictures of my mother. That's a lot of pictures. I go through most of my photo paper (I still have a couple of sheets left). But, she gets a lot of these pictures and is content. I get the feeling that she is simply trying to catch up to the relationships that she had before with her family. She also recognizes my brothers that she thought were handsome when they were growing up (they went to the same schools). I show her a more recent picture of my brother Keith who was a friend of her husband when they were growing up. He is heavy in a beard and his hair is all grown out. In the picture I show her it is all combed which isn't like him at all. He is usually a wild mountain man with no teeth. She says that we shouldn't judge him by his appearance because she is sure that he is a good man. In this, she is absolutely correct. I don't find too much about her that is incorrect.
At one point, Melanie escalates. She is talking about her daughter and she feels that people have turned her daughter against her. To a certain extent, she is correct. It really is more of a protection that Chantelle is trying to accomplish. She now has a daughter of her own (one that has never met her grandmother) that is almost one year old. Melanie knows that she has been in town and not come over. She is also upset that she wasn't allowed to show up at the wedding of her daughter. How unfair is that? My God, how much pain does one woman have to suffer. Life has been a hard thing on Melanie. She really feels that she doesn't have anywhere to turn too. We agree with her that life is hard, that it is hard to not be allowed to your daughters wedding, and that it is hard to have her not come over. Melanie calms back down.
We leave the house. We only have to pick up some stockings. My wife had given Melanie some feminine products so we didn't need to pick up that kind of stuff. I really don't think she was taking care of her feminine things with products but rather she was simply wearing layers to take care of it as best she could. I don't care if I'm right or wrong on that. I don't want to think about it.
JC Penneys is our last stop. We pick up stockings and some earrings for Melanie (my wife also). She just wants to look good at her husbands funeral. We want this for her as well. We head for my in-laws house. The day is almost done with Melanie.
Once at the in-laws, we all go inside. Melanie goes to take a relaxing shower. We show off what we had bought for Melanie and all of it meets with approval. Margaret pays us for the rest. We only stay a short time and then leave.
On reflection of the day with Melanie, I find myself realizing that this was a great day for my wife and I to have. It is a great day for Melanie as well. Yes, we had to learn to have a little bit of patience, but then again, she probably had to have patience with us as well. She is an independent person, so it cannot be easy for her to have to rely on us for transportation, nor can it be easy on her to have her mother paying for things. She doesn't ask for anything from anybody, but she is willing to accept graciously those things that people give her. It puts me to tears to think of all the trials this woman has gone through. She is strong despite it all. I don't know that she is happy though, and indeed she realizes that she has lived a sad life. She said as much. I think Melanie has resigned herself to living a sad, solitary existence, but not so much that she won't get joy wherever and whenever she can. I think she did more good for me than I did for her through talking with her. I think I will have more compassion toward all people because of the time I spent with her. This was a mission in love, from us to her, but I'm not sure that it didn't work just the opposite way. Melanie has touched my soul.
Now back to the finish of the day. As we were driving home, our son asked if he couldn't go back to Circuit City in hopes that they still had at least one copy of his game so he could exchange it. I told him it was early enough that we could do that. We took everybody home and then he and I went for the exchange. The store was still busy, but nothing like it was this morning. He found a copy of the game and we exchanged it with no problems. Thank goodness that when we got back home the new game worked like a charm.
That is the end of my day.
posted by Craig's Blog at 10:46 PM
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