Suicide

Yesterday and today, my thoughts have been on the suicide of a young man. Scott Johnson, who is an old neighbor from our West Jordan home of course is the one who brought on these thoughts. This didn't help out with my wifes depression, and has affected her deeply. Of course, there is also the concern of our own children and trying to make sure they know how to deal with stressful issues without doing this terrible thing. It is so unfair to all people.

What we have heard about this case is that he hung himself in his closet. It is sounding like a part of the reason is a recent breakup with his girlfriend just prior to a prom. I don't think this is the only reason that he has done this, but it could be a part of it. I hope that the girl will feel no guilt because of this. There are enough tears to go around already. There are a ton of questions.

I do understand having terrible feelings. I have had them before in my life. I just wish people would find out that there are ways to stop this type of thing. There is help out there. Though there is a lot of pain at times, one needs to somehow try to rise above that pain. It is a very selfish act, and when you get there, I don't really think they think about the pain that this is going to cause others to have. I wonder if you could imagine the pain that others will have after you have done such a terrible thing, if you would rethink it.

After my wife and I went to the viewing tonight, we went to myspace.com to see what was there. It took a little while to find his page, and then all that was there was a survey that you can take with a link for others to take the same survey. It was mostly a normal thing. One of the questions on there was the way you would like to die. His answer? A violent and painful death. The the question of what he wanted to be when he grew up, "I don't want to grow up". These two questions were right together. I don't know if that is the way he was feeling, but it is what he put. It said that he was last logged in on the 20th. The date of his death was the 22nd. I guess he accomplished both of those.

I feel for his dad who when the family couldn't find him went downstairs finally and found him. How horrible that must be. How horrible for the whole family to wonder what all led him to this decision. How horrible for extended family and friends who wonder what they could've done to keep this from happening. We got to the viewing about 10 minutes after it opened up. We were in line for about 45 minutes to an hour. There were some who stayed up front for a long time, but it did show that he had plenty of friends (some seemed a bit quirky and strange to me). I noticed mom and dad standing there by their son. They seemed to be doing well with no tears. I got up there and told Debbi how sorry I was as I hugged her and she just started to sob on my shoulder. I don't know what to say. I look at Kevin and he is breaking up too as we shake hands. There isn't anything to say. I let them know that we love them. We leave.

I can't quite get over the image I saw in the casket. I could see a flap of skin at his neck where it has been stretched. I don't notice anything else about him. My wife notices blue lips and doesn't notice anything else other than that. Interesting the different things we focus on. I don't even like to look on dead bodies in the first place, but when I do, I see the morbid. I hope he didn't have too much pain (despite what he said he wanted). My wife and I wonder if the thought goes through his head as he is finishing this act, "How stupid is this". So final. I do hope he finds peace. I pray that his family finds peace.

Sick and Tired

Not a whole lot has happened for me to put in here. I had been coming down with some sort of bug that is like a cold, but it completely wears you out (worse than any cold I have ever had). I was able to work on Wednesday and Thursday with it (and even went to Young Men on Wednesday evening), but about Thursday evening, I knew I would be calling in sick to work on Friday.

Sure enough, Friday morning I was wiped out. I called in to work sick. My wife didn't want me on the couch because she had Ellen coming over to get her hair colored. I stayed in the room for a good portion of the time, but did shower and come out after awhile. I watched Gods' Army, States of Grace while I was in there. It was quite an emotional movie. Anyway, I came out and they mentioned they were hungry. I was feeling a bit better, so I went to Subway to pick us up some sandwiches. After eating, I started to feel drained again, so went to bed. Pam came while I was in there (and I didn't even hear her) and took our daughter to spend the weekend with them. I later talked with my son, and though he didn't say so, I think he was feeling left out. We went to the store and got some hot dogs and crescent rolls so we could make piggies in a blanket (since he likes those). Not too much else went on this day.

Saturday, I was still down. I woke up quite late, and the Scouting for Food drive was going. I knew they were supposed to meet at 9:00 at the church, but I wasn't even awake until 9:30. A bit after that, one of the boys came around and picked up my son. I was supposed to help out (even though I don't have a calling) but was too sick to even think of it. I had joked about the no calling, no work, so I wonder what they thought about it all. Well, my son came home after a little time out there. It was another day of doing very little (if anything). I started to feel a bit better Saturday evening.

Sunday morning came along, and other than a cough and some sniffles, I was feeling pretty good. While I was showering, my wife came in and showed that a son of some friends of ours was in the obituaries.

Since I was feeling well, it looks like I would be going to church. We had told Anne that she could bring our daughter home after she went to church with her in the Bountiful Community church. Because of the later time of our church this was possible. My daughter got home just in time to get to church. My wife swears that no matter what time church starts, there just isn't the right amount of time to get ready for it.

Priesthood meeting we had the new High Priest group leaders sustained as well as the Elders Quorum presidency. Of course, after that it was just priesthood meeting as usual. All the Young Men met together as well as the Young Women.

They had a hard time figuring out where we would hold Sunday School. First, it was in the relief society room and then it was in the gym, then it ended up in the relief society room. We all had a good meeting and went into the chapel for Sacrament meeting. This was the first time in this ward that they didn't have to open up into the gym. As the business went along, the bishop joked that all should stand up and then those whose names he didn't call could sit back down. He basically did all the sustaining in one fell swoop. The Relief Society, the Young Men, and the Young Women were all sustained. There is still the primary, so it is a bit nerve wracking to me. I really don't want to work in the Primary. We'll see what happens.

During the Sacrament, we had to tell our daughter to be quiet. There was a bit of an attitude. She had a friend sitting by her, and we need to have a talk with our kids.

Tonight, we had a family council where we could talk about some of the attitudes that have been happening lately. I opened up the meeting with prayer and tried to get people to express their opinions (which had been expressed to me). It was like pulling teeth. I finally talked my daughter into me telling about some of her feelings. She would like for her brother to have the talks that they used to have. She was also upset at mom thinking she could never talk to us except in anger. She doesn't feel like we listen to her or care for her. We talked about a lot of this, but I don't know that we got anywhere. We all made commitments to try harder at communication. Hopefully, it will work out alright. My son didn't say anything. It was mostly with my wife, me and our daughter.

After the kids left, my wife and I talked. She is dealing with depression as happens to her about every March. She is frustrated with me because my communication skills are not the best. She is concerned that I cannot take over the family in the way I should. It was a bit hurtful for me to hear some of it, but it is a starting point for me. We concluded that we need to get our temple recommends again (they expired the end of February) and make a commitment to get to the temple once a month. We also discussed a possibility of seeing what kind of professional help we need to get to help put our family together.

Oh, one other thing that we found out today about that death. It was a suicide. We suspected as much as the obituary didn't really put in the reason.

Fire!

Wow! A whole week has come and gone. I haven't written anything in here, because there really isn't anything for me to report on.

My son had a concert on Tuesday that I went too (my wife stayed home because she had some hair to do). They did a good job on the concert. My son told me of weaknesses on the way home.

Wednesday, I got threatened by Lance if I was not going to show up to the Combined Activity for the youth. He just didn't want to deal with all the little Deacons and Beehives on his own. I was thinking about possibly going to an orientation for my son at Bingham High School. There really aren't any really good reasons for going to that which I can think of. We went for the mini roadshow. I helped with the Deacons and Beehives, and it came out OK, although it should've been a whole lot better. I thought both the other groups did a better job than we did. We had the people, but didn't have enough time to work with any of them on an individual level. A huge mess of popcorn had to be cleaned up out of the church.

I talked with Don Shively (he's a counselor in the bishopric of the 1st ward) and he told me how overwhelmed he is with his new calling. He doesn't quite know what to think of it yet. He will do a good job there, I am sure.

It was either Thursday or Friday evening that I met the new people moving into the house next door. They don't live very far from my neighborhood already and only bought a new house so they would have room for their family. They seemed like a really nice couple and told me that they would be moving in at the end of this month or the first of next month. It will be good to have them here, because then they can work on the yard a little bit so it isn't an eyesore to the rest of the public.

Friday, I was home, so my wife and I went out to lunch at Applebees. We both had some french onion soup that we both thought was the worst french onion soup we had ever had. They did bring us out a new cup and that was a lot better.

Saturday was a morning of cleaning. First, my son and I went over to the ward house to set up chairs for stake conference. We also helped to clean the church house. When we arrived home, we started to help with the cleaning up of our house. We proved that if we all get busy and do things, we can get the house cleaned up in good order. Not too much else happened except being a little bit lazy for the rest of the day.

Sometime on Saturday, my wife talked to her mother. It seems that Jeff had been up at the cabin (we aren't clear when this happened but it was for sure between November and now) and because of problems with the Pot Bellied Stove had an attic fire. He claims that he didn't tell anybody because he was going to go up and work on the cabin and have most of it fixed by the time anybody else got up there to relieve stress. That is, it is better to tell about the problem after you have done your remodeling. He had to tell his mom and dad because they were going for a drive up to there (it is remarkable that they told his son about that so they weren't completely caught off guard). Anyway, I would like to see how much damage there was, because it sounds rather substantial. You never know what to do about Jeff. Bad luck always seems to follow him around.

Today, we woke up too late and didn't really want to go to Stake Conference. We were just lazy for most of the day and then after we had dinner (my son and daughter cooked it up) we went over to my in-laws to spend the afternoon. We had a pretty good afternoon there and came on home.

Like I said, not too much has happened this week (well except we found out about the fire).

The New Ward

Saturday, we decided to have a fun day. Pam had given us a call, and asked if the kids wanted to go to a movie. My wife and I decided that we were kids too. Besides, I had my coupon for $15.50 that needed to be used up at a Larry H. Miller theater. We went to a place that was close to our home and saw "A Night at the Museum". We enjoyed the show and it was a family friendly show for a change. We then headed to Applebees for some lunch. Anne met us there.

After arriving home, we had decided to watch "The Prestige" on DVD. That was a good movie as well although it was a dark movie. My wife and I decided that we liked "The Illusionist" better as it seemed to be less dark and had a happy ending. Anyway, we wasted away the day in watching movies.

Saturday night, I started to bring forward all of our clocks by one hour. This is the new daylights saving time that our government has decided upon. I don't understand why they want to change the time exactly, but they claim that energy savings will be the result. We gave our daughter some cough medicine and sent her to bed.

Sunday morning came early enough. We had to get ready to go to church. Everything was relatively normal for a Sunday. We had priesthood, Sunday School and Sacrament meeting. In the Deacons quorum we had decided to hold a testimony meeting since it was going to be the last Sunday that we would all be together in the same ward. That ended up being a pretty good meeting. My wife and I have been going to the class for marriage and family but decided that we wouldn't go to that class this week because the ward would be split and we were pretty certain we would not be in the ward that would continue that course. As it turns out, we were correct in that assumption. I forgot to mention. We gave the adviser of the deacons quorum a hard time because he lost his goatee and we accused him of being the next bishop. We weren't quite correct. He ended up being a counselor in the Highland 1st ward bishopric. He tried to throw us off by saying that he didn't have a suit coat on (although he picked it up before sacrament meeting.

Sacrament meeting finally came about. We had twelve deacons passing the sacrament so that it could get done a bit quicker. This all worked out well, but they were running out of water and were ready to bless some more. The whole building was full of people to the point it looked like we were having a stake conference. After the Sacrament we heard from one of the Mays kids. He is home from his mission, but couldn't speak long because he was told he had to be done by 1:30 so they could get down to the business of splitting the ward and calling new leaders.

They started out by showing on the Stake Presidents computer the new ward boundaries. We have been put out of the 1st Ward and put into the 9th Ward now. Everybody who is staying with the 1st ward keeps their callings and everybody in the new 9th ward loses whatever calling they have (with the exception of those who were called forward). Released were Bishop Christiansen, his first counselor, Chad Medeiros, and the second counselor David Russell. The first ward received the new bishop being Doug Mangum, the first counselor Don Shively, and the second counselor Tracy Madsen (he is the one we gave a hard time too).

My ward is the 9th ward. The bishop that has been called is Jack Sanford with the first counselor being Chad Medeiros, and the second counselor being Terry Bean. Also called were Executive secretaries, but I don't remember them at the moment. Everyone in my ward has lost their calling and we need to have the ward built up from ground zero. Next week is Stake Conference, so they have two weeks to try to get some callings taken care of. Then of course they have to be sustained to their jobs. So, it will be a bit before we actually have a functioning ward. As I looked at it, out of about 13 boys in the deacons quorum, we got two. The teachers quorum only has two also. We still have a big primary. I will particularly miss working with Lance Abplanalp. I have enjoyed my time getting to know him. He was in my previous ward, but I never really knew him there. He still has a grundle of deacons to work with. I wish him well with that.

It was mixed feelings coming home from Sacrament meeting. It is going to seem weird not having a calling.

Tonight when I went for a walk with the dog, I was asked by Vicki Clarke if I knew what was going on with the fire trucks and ambulances going through our neighborhood. I didn't. As I was finishing my walk, I ran into where two firetrucks were and one ambulance. I asked a couple of people what had happened and they told me that a house there on the corner thought they smelled smoke (another story is that they might've smelled gas). I'm going with the smoke theory because they seemed to be wondering about their wiring. Anyway, they didn't find anything wrong with the house including carbon monoxide. They were told to close their windows and see if smells persisted and to call if they did.

I talked with Jack er... Bishop Sanford about his new calling while I was on the walk. He is a little nervous about the first week for the primary. He can combine all the rest of the classes pretty easily, but doesn't know what to do with the primary for the first week that we meet. He told me to expect a call from one of the four that were called to positions and I told him it was a good thing we have caller id. He decided maybe they would have to walk the neighborhood and knock on doors.

Tonight, I got a call from my daughter in Florida. Aubree and I talked for a little while and she is thinking of a trip up to Salt Lake for this summer. It seems she is coming with a friend of hers (Ashley) and they are going to Nevada. Then she may rent a car to get to Salt Lake. She is wondering if I can get her home. I told her that I could. This caused a rift between my wife and I because I didn't consult with her. I thought that since we offered it at Christmas time (which didn't happen) that we could do that. My wife had a different idea. I don't feel that either of us is right or wrong on this one, but, it caused some contention. I hope my wife can forgive me because no contention was meant. It got a bit onto some other things like our own vacation times. I need to plan for some kind of vacation. I just don't know what to do for now. I'll have to find something that isn't too expensive for us to do.

Mini Roadshow

There isn't a heck of a lot going on. My daughter got sick with the same cold that my son had. It put her completely down for two days. She missed a math test at school on Tuesday, and we were quite concerned about her homework for the days that she missed because she works so hard to keep her grades up. It seems we didn't need to worry too much. She was able to get it all finished tonight without too much work. My wife forced her to go to school today. According to my wife she literally had to push her out the door because she resisted so much. My son is being blamed for her getting sick because he allegedly coughed in her face while laughing at her, and telling her he would get her sick. He takes responsibility for this, sort of. The stories both differ enough that we can't quite get to the truth. Anyway, enough of that.

With one child or the other child sick we have had a relatively quiet time around our house. One or the other child was mostly sleeping and staying out of the way of everybody. Wednesday evening we had mini roadshow practices for the combined activity next week (of course we will be a split ward when that happens). My son didn't want to go, but as teachers quorum president went anyway. My daughter was too sick to attend. I had to be with the deacons and the beehives to get their part of the roadshow done. We were given the story from Alma 17:1-37 which is the story of Ammon as he cuts off a whole bunch of arms. We are to try to keep the spiritual tone while putting in some humor. Two terms had to be used which are "oh snap" and "get yourself a ka-sa-dilla (with dilla being said the American way)". Of course, there are a few silly props that need to be taken into consideration. The other leaders that were there in my group tonight was Lance, and April. This was Aprils first night with the Beehives, and she had to contend with them along with all of the deacons. We had a roomful of loudmouthed, overactive 12 and 13 year olds. April was wondering what she was in for, and of course wondering if she will be keeping her church job with the split of the ward. It was loud, active and tiring. We had a hard time keeping any semblance of control with the kids. We got through it, but I was wiped out. Mary, who was supposed to be over this part didn't show up tonight. Ironically, she is the one that probably would've gotten the kids to behave better because most are afraid of her.

Well, it was good to get that over with, and hopefully, they will behave a lot better next Wednesday evening when we put it on. I don't even know how good it will be.

I don't know who came up with the idea of this mini roadshow, but I don't like it.

Splitting Ward

There hasn't been much of anything to put in here over the last few days, but I thought I should write anyway so that some semblance of what is going on is recorded.

I had Friday off of work (as I do every other Friday) and my kids were home as well. My son came home on Thursday from school with sniffles and he was getting sick. He was sick for the entire weekend (bummer because he and my daughter had Friday off of school).

Some of the regular, mundane things were done over the weekend. That is cleaning of the house and some laundry.

Sunday came around. We left our son at home to try to get over his sickness. He slept a lot. My wife and I came home during Sunday School, and then my wife stayed home with him while I went back to church to be with my daughter in Fast and Testimony meeting. It was there that it was announced that the ward would be splitting next Sunday. This leaves all kinds of mixed feelings for the members of the ward. Everybody wonders where the new boundaries are going to be. Are they going to bring in other wards with this split or is it just a split? I hope it is just a split. We are getting used to the people of the ward and will miss whoever is cut out. I just don't know that I want to get to know a whole new set of people with a new ward. Of course, this puts our particular church callings kind of on a burner. My son is excited because he seems to think this means he won't have to act in the mini roadshow that is coming up in two weeks time. I, of course told him that we will probably still do some things with the other ward until some things settle down. This brings disappointment to his face.

There weren't as many tears during testimony meeting like I expected there would be, but some people did say that they would miss some of you. I don't quite no how to feel and the only thing I can really do is wait until next week to see what will happen. I mostly thought I should put in here what is going on.