Death of Ben
This past weekend has been one of grief. I have also been worn out for most of the weekend. When somebody dies it takes a lot out of all those around him or her. In this case it was Ben.
Hasn't the Wach family had enough of these early deaths? Wasn't the death of Ben's father last year (just before Thanksgiving) enough? Haven't there been enough early deaths in this family from Jimmy who died at the age of 27 and then his wife two years later at an early age (leaving behind three year old twins). Then there was Adom in 1998 at the tender age of 17. Steve, just before Thanksgiving (my wife and I were called on our Anniversary about this one). Steve was the oldest to die. At least he was in his 50's. Now, of course, there is Ben. At the age of 29. Why is one family having to deal with all of these young deaths? I just don't understand. On my side of the family, we only have the one who died at 52 (my brother Randy). The rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.
I was called at work this past Thursday. My wife and I were dealing with other problems with our daughter so I thought she was calling me on that. Instead, she called me and told me that Ben was found dead in his apartment. He was found by his cousin who lives with him. My first thought was that he had committed suicide (I no longer believe that to be the case). I waited for my wife to get over to her moms house and then decided I would go over there for lunch and see what I could do to help. I thought I would go back into work, but decided against it.
One of the problems that we had was that all of us knew about the death, but Melanie (his mother) was nowhere to be found. Anne wanted to go out and do everything she could to find Melanie and was quite upset that nobody was doing anything toward that end. I understood both sides. The one side is that we probably would not be able to find her since nobody knew where she had taken off too, and then the other side was a mothers instinct to try to find the mom because that is what she would want to happen if it were her child. Since Anne was very emotional and since she would probably want some company, I went with her.
We first went to the Holladay library and then went to a Walmart that Melanie may have gone too. She was in neither of those places so we went to the Salt Lake City Library (all places Melanie frequents). We didn't find her in any of those places and got a parking ticket because we were a couple of minutes past the expiration of the meter at the Salt Lake City Library. We were finally called and told that Melanie had arrived home. We went back. It was good to be with Anne because we were able to talk about a few things and enjoy each others company.
Melanie seemed to take the death of her son in stride. She was upset, but she kept it all together. Not bad for a bi-polar person. She did complain that she had lost half of her family of six (Crystal her daughter of SIDS, Steve her husband, and now Ben). She still has the other two kids who have gotten married and have three kids between them.
A little later in the day, Kent and Gladys came on over. Kent is the grandfather and Gladys is a step-grandmother. They had a picture of Ben to hand to Melanie and it was a picture that she thoroughly enjoyed having. An offer was made to give Melanie a blessing. I anointed and Kent gave the blessing. Then Margaret (my mother-in-law) decided that she wanted a blessing. Kent anointed and I was to give the blessing. As I went to give the blessing, I panicked because my mind had gone completely blank. I had nothing to say. Then the words came pouring into my mind and I was able to give the blessing. I know that the blessing was not my own. It was what our Heavenly Father wanted to be stated for Margaret and her family. I don't even remember what it was that I said, but my wife tells me that she was wondering about the spirit because the words flowed so easily and flawlessly. She wondered if there was another power there. I can testify that there was indeed.
Anyway, we just stayed there for the rest of the evening. We did have to let my sons band leader know that he would not be able to make it to the game for the pep band that night and our daughter had some homework to finish. We also had to sit down and have a talk with her about a couple of things that are concerning us about her. We got through all of that OK.
Friday, I had a couple of errands to run and then we went over to the Wachs house. We had our son and daughter come over a bit later (after school) and we just hung with them as they did things like picking out the coffin and getting the plot. I was just glad that I didn't have to do any of that stuff. It seems that a funeral costs around $10,000 if you are trying to keep it on the cheap.
Our kids went home with Pam and Anne and my wife and I just went to our home alone. We met with Pam and Anne on Saturday at their home in Bountiful. We had some spaghetti dinner and I worked on their computer to see if I could fix it to the point that it wouldn't turn off on its own. I messed with a couple of settings and for now it was staying on. I did mess up the Internet though. In the long run I had to talk to Qwest in order to get passwords and such from them so we could bring it up. I also reset their wireless password to one that Anne could remember so now it is all working. The kids were helping to put together some collages of Ben to be put around during this funeral stuff. It kept them busy. We once again left our kids overnight with Pam and Anne.
Sunday, my wife and I were feeling half dead. We went ahead and went to church so my wife could teach and I could be with the Deacons. Our lesson was on the Priesthood. I was able to share my story with my mother-in-law in a meaningful way in that meeting. I then went and helped my wife in her class with Allie. We only went to Sacrament meeting long enough to partake of the Sacrament and then there was a mass exodus to leave (of which we were two). We headed to the Wach house almost immediately where we met up with our kids. There was some anger today from Melanie and Margaret about this death. I was there for a part of it and then Anne and I went to my parents house so we could get a picture touched up to put on the program for the funeral. That took us quite a bit of time (Anne was doing all the work) and we got it all done to where it was looking great. It took too long and we lost the picture a couple of times. I was glad that was over.
Well, that's about it for the weekend. I guess I did argue some politics with my father-in-law (he dragged me into it) as well as he was going on about the Mormon church and blacks as second class citizens. I won't discuss that right now though.
I have to go to work tomorrow and then I will take Tuesday off for the funeral. I also have to do the dedication on the grave.
Hasn't the Wach family had enough of these early deaths? Wasn't the death of Ben's father last year (just before Thanksgiving) enough? Haven't there been enough early deaths in this family from Jimmy who died at the age of 27 and then his wife two years later at an early age (leaving behind three year old twins). Then there was Adom in 1998 at the tender age of 17. Steve, just before Thanksgiving (my wife and I were called on our Anniversary about this one). Steve was the oldest to die. At least he was in his 50's. Now, of course, there is Ben. At the age of 29. Why is one family having to deal with all of these young deaths? I just don't understand. On my side of the family, we only have the one who died at 52 (my brother Randy). The rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.
I was called at work this past Thursday. My wife and I were dealing with other problems with our daughter so I thought she was calling me on that. Instead, she called me and told me that Ben was found dead in his apartment. He was found by his cousin who lives with him. My first thought was that he had committed suicide (I no longer believe that to be the case). I waited for my wife to get over to her moms house and then decided I would go over there for lunch and see what I could do to help. I thought I would go back into work, but decided against it.
One of the problems that we had was that all of us knew about the death, but Melanie (his mother) was nowhere to be found. Anne wanted to go out and do everything she could to find Melanie and was quite upset that nobody was doing anything toward that end. I understood both sides. The one side is that we probably would not be able to find her since nobody knew where she had taken off too, and then the other side was a mothers instinct to try to find the mom because that is what she would want to happen if it were her child. Since Anne was very emotional and since she would probably want some company, I went with her.
We first went to the Holladay library and then went to a Walmart that Melanie may have gone too. She was in neither of those places so we went to the Salt Lake City Library (all places Melanie frequents). We didn't find her in any of those places and got a parking ticket because we were a couple of minutes past the expiration of the meter at the Salt Lake City Library. We were finally called and told that Melanie had arrived home. We went back. It was good to be with Anne because we were able to talk about a few things and enjoy each others company.
Melanie seemed to take the death of her son in stride. She was upset, but she kept it all together. Not bad for a bi-polar person. She did complain that she had lost half of her family of six (Crystal her daughter of SIDS, Steve her husband, and now Ben). She still has the other two kids who have gotten married and have three kids between them.
A little later in the day, Kent and Gladys came on over. Kent is the grandfather and Gladys is a step-grandmother. They had a picture of Ben to hand to Melanie and it was a picture that she thoroughly enjoyed having. An offer was made to give Melanie a blessing. I anointed and Kent gave the blessing. Then Margaret (my mother-in-law) decided that she wanted a blessing. Kent anointed and I was to give the blessing. As I went to give the blessing, I panicked because my mind had gone completely blank. I had nothing to say. Then the words came pouring into my mind and I was able to give the blessing. I know that the blessing was not my own. It was what our Heavenly Father wanted to be stated for Margaret and her family. I don't even remember what it was that I said, but my wife tells me that she was wondering about the spirit because the words flowed so easily and flawlessly. She wondered if there was another power there. I can testify that there was indeed.
Anyway, we just stayed there for the rest of the evening. We did have to let my sons band leader know that he would not be able to make it to the game for the pep band that night and our daughter had some homework to finish. We also had to sit down and have a talk with her about a couple of things that are concerning us about her. We got through all of that OK.
Friday, I had a couple of errands to run and then we went over to the Wachs house. We had our son and daughter come over a bit later (after school) and we just hung with them as they did things like picking out the coffin and getting the plot. I was just glad that I didn't have to do any of that stuff. It seems that a funeral costs around $10,000 if you are trying to keep it on the cheap.
Our kids went home with Pam and Anne and my wife and I just went to our home alone. We met with Pam and Anne on Saturday at their home in Bountiful. We had some spaghetti dinner and I worked on their computer to see if I could fix it to the point that it wouldn't turn off on its own. I messed with a couple of settings and for now it was staying on. I did mess up the Internet though. In the long run I had to talk to Qwest in order to get passwords and such from them so we could bring it up. I also reset their wireless password to one that Anne could remember so now it is all working. The kids were helping to put together some collages of Ben to be put around during this funeral stuff. It kept them busy. We once again left our kids overnight with Pam and Anne.
Sunday, my wife and I were feeling half dead. We went ahead and went to church so my wife could teach and I could be with the Deacons. Our lesson was on the Priesthood. I was able to share my story with my mother-in-law in a meaningful way in that meeting. I then went and helped my wife in her class with Allie. We only went to Sacrament meeting long enough to partake of the Sacrament and then there was a mass exodus to leave (of which we were two). We headed to the Wach house almost immediately where we met up with our kids. There was some anger today from Melanie and Margaret about this death. I was there for a part of it and then Anne and I went to my parents house so we could get a picture touched up to put on the program for the funeral. That took us quite a bit of time (Anne was doing all the work) and we got it all done to where it was looking great. It took too long and we lost the picture a couple of times. I was glad that was over.
Well, that's about it for the weekend. I guess I did argue some politics with my father-in-law (he dragged me into it) as well as he was going on about the Mormon church and blacks as second class citizens. I won't discuss that right now though.
I have to go to work tomorrow and then I will take Tuesday off for the funeral. I also have to do the dedication on the grave.
posted by Craig's Blog at 11:21 PM
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